where do you go?

Where do you go my little one? Can I come with you?

I always wonder what you see. I imagine it’s a fairytale-like world filled with endless possibilities. A place where everything makes sense to you. Not like here.

Perhaps everything is upside down, since that’s one of your favorite things to do. It’s probably so quiet and peaceful there too. You don’t have to constantly cover your ears because the overstimulation is just too much to bear at times.

Maybe there aren’t any words said—but you don’t need them to feel understood. There are no demands being placed upon you, no feeling that you’re always being corrected. You can just be yourself. I get it little buddy, I would go there too.

Although I imagine mom and dad are already there—being we are your absolute favorite people in the whole world. Maybe even Grammy and Papa because they love you to the moon and back, and you feel it too.

I sometimes wonder if you’re in the land of Mickey Mouse Clubhouse, and that kinda makes me smile. Gosh if we knew you would love a real life clubhouse—your daddy would make that happen in an instant. He would do anything to make you happy and to see you smile. Anything.

That’s all we’ve ever wanted for you—your happiness. At times it’s a challenge to know exactly what that is in our world. But we’re trying, always, and we’ll never give up on that little love.

I know they say daydreaming is a waste, but I disagree. I understand why you go there Noah, I do. I can’t even imagine how hard every single day must be for you. I want you to know you’re nothing short of amazing, and you’re not even four.

I do my absolute best to support you and guide you and teach you, but some days I question if I’m doing it all wrong.

Because I don’t have autism like you little one. I don’t know how you feel.

But I try so hard to imagine and to give you the tools to be successful, and a place in my arms where you are loved and are safe.

Where do you go my little love? One day, will you take me with you?