the strongest person i know

Last night Noah started crying from his sleep, which is usually not like him. And so I immediately go into panic mode. I start thinking he's super sick and he's going to begin throwing up any minute.. a little irrational yes, but when your kid can't tell you what's wrong, you can automatically go to the worst case scenario.

He ended up being fine. He just thought it was party time & wanted to play. Surprisingly though, he started pointing at his PECS board on the fridge. I immediately gave him his water as that's the only thing he has ever communicated from this board. But he kept pointing. So I asked if he wanted to eat? Maybe that's why he was up? But no response. And Noah knows the word eat. He just kept pointing. Adam and I were completely baffled.

First, he's never done this before. Second, how amazing he's trying to communicate something to us. But lastly, how utterly crushing it is to not have the slightest clue what your kid wants..

The nonverbal is tough. I would give anything to know what my little guy is thinking. To have a conversation with him. To ask why do you enjoy looking at the world upside down so much? To know why he thinks it's so funny when donkey finds out princess Fiona is an ogre in Shrek..

But not being able to know when something is wrong, that's the hardest of all. And I don't even know who it's harder for. It's definitely pretty helpless as a parent not knowing how to help your little one. But for Noah.. I can't imagine not being understood. I can't imagine wanting to express feelings & interests.. but my body not allowing me.

Noah is the strongest person I know, and he has only been on this earth for three years. He's just amazing.

And because of what happened, I am even more focused on his communication. He wanted to tell us something. How awesome is that! What it was, I don't know, but it's my job to figure it out. And I will. I know there is so much this little guy has to tell us, verbally or through his talker.. and this mama literally can't wait.